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What Are the Grave Dangers of Disconnection?
Disconnection/connection are the #1 predictors (by far) of mental health & life health outcomes
How many people do you know who seem to be “stuck” in situations they don’t really want? They feel trapped in bad marriages or relationships; jobs in which they are overworked, underpaid and undervalued; living situations that are far less than ideal; the list goes on.
But rather than own their unhappiness and begin making changes for the better, they choose to stay in their misery even as they complain about it. They are walking through life disconnected from their true selves and their feelings.
Perhaps you’re in one or more of these situations yourself. Either you feel locked into an unhappy situation, or maybe you feel nothing in particular—just a lack of emotion or motivation.
An Epidemic of Disconnectedness
There can be many specific psychological reasons why we find ourselves in these situations, but they point to a widespread problem in our culture: we have an uncanny ability to disconnect from ourselves and our feelings. Our subconscious contains a powerful mechanism that allows us to create distance from our own feelings, emotions, and desires for long periods of time.
The problem is that those emotions never go away—they just get buried deep in our psyche and fester there unresolved. Left unaddressed, they can lead to a wide range of complications ranging from chronic illness to depression, or sometimes even explosive breakdowns.
Why We Disconnect?
If this tendency is so dangerous and potentially harmful to us, why does our subconscious create this disconnect so easily? It’s likely an evolutionary trait initially designed for our survival. To illustrate, let’s compare it to another evolutionary trait—the fight-or-flight instinct.
In times of acute stress, our bodies and minds react with an injection of hormones that give us a burst of energy. We call this the fight-or-flight instinct because it’s designed to help us detect danger and rescue ourselves from it fast. But when these stress hormones keep getting triggered and released over long periods of time (as so often happens in our modern world), it results in chronic toxic stress, which leads to social stress, anxiety, addiction, depression, which are the leading cause of disability and disease worldwide.
By the same token, we likely developed the “disconnect” instinct as a mechanism to protect us from emotional trauma. It causes our minds in extreme situations to “block out” traumatic or painful events like abuse. Our mind is effectively putting a guard on itself to maintain sanity.
But like the fight-or-flight instinct, when the disconnect instinct gets repeatedly triggered by lower-key events, we begin a more consistent pattern of emotional suppression, losing touch with our true selves in the process. At best, it leaves us feeling chronically unhappy or numb. At worst, it can lead to serious physical and mental issues.
What Causes Disconnect?
Why does this disconnect mechanism seem to be operating on overload with so many of us these days? Like anything else, there’s not just one reason—but let’s look at a few common triggers:
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Cultural norms, pressures, and expectations. Society has a tendency to pressure us into pursuing or accepting certain things out of a sense of duty. We work a 9-to-5 job we hate because we’re expected to—because we’re supposed to make money, and besides, everyone supposedly hates their job. We date because society says we need a mate in order to be happy—and we settle for bad relationships because we think we don’t deserve better. We let our culture decide what’s best for us instead of looking inward, so our personal desires and passions take a back seat.
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Childhood trauma and/or abuse. Sometimes the disconnect mechanism kicks in to protect us as children from an abusive parent or dysfunctional household, and we never learn how to turn it off when we get older.
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Complications from our pride and ego. People on the narcissistic spectrum, for example, may have a natural difficulty connecting with or expressing their deep/real emotions because they want to appear to themselves and others as "Perfect." Of course, human perfection doesn't exist, but those suffering from serious narcissism don't want to let the fantasy go; just like a child doesn't want to leave Disneyland. Unfortunately, in real life, as adults, there are horrible consequences when we won't let go of the fantasy of perfection. Narcissists are cutting off the connection they need to free them from serious narcissism.
Dangers of Living in Disconnection
People can live for many years in this place of inner disconnectedness without showing any outward symptoms other than a lack of passion. However, studies have shown that repressed emotion can be linked to a wide range of physical and mental health complications in the long run. The list includes:
When this emotional disconnect is particularly severe, mental health clinicians may diagnose the issue as Emotional Detachment Disorder (EDD), marked by a noted inability to express emotions. In addition to, Emotional Dysregulation Syndrome (EDS).
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Depression and anxiety
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Low self-esteem
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Memory issues
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High blood pressure
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Diabetes
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Increased aggression
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Obesity
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Suppressed immune system
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Digestive issues
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Fibromyalgia
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Fatigue, loss of energy
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…and much much more.
Getting Connection
Most people who feel out of touch with themselves, their feelings and others didn’t get there overnight. Being disconnected became second nature over a long period of time. Reconnecting can be a long process. Whether you are experiencing detectable disconnection dysregulation issues; from physical and mental illnesses, workaholism, toxic positivity (i.e., avoidance) to chronically unhappy or passionless, the only was to get connection back is to find a daily practice where you can connect with your real/deep-self and real/deep-others ("Peer-to Peer").
The best practice for connection will enable the above and have varying degrees of connection to suit your current abilities to connect and the needed therapeutic dosages (from connection) that you need on a daily basis, moment by moment, day and night.
The commonly recommendations of "therapy and mindfulness" clearly do not fulfill these peer-to-peer, daily connection requirements and sourcing. So finding a practice and place for safe, real peer-to-peer connection may be very hard because it is very rare.
But the good news is that learning to reconnect with your true self and true others will lead to immediate positive effects and ultimately, your best life — for you and for those you love and lead. Why? Because both connection and disconnection are infectious through emotional contagion.
So get your connection every day because it's also the best thing for the world and those you care about! You are wonderfully made to need connection. You are designed to thrive on connection. Lack it, and you invite the harshest life.
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