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What Is Toxic Behavior No. 1?
See the perks & destruction of victim entitlement mentality
Living from a victim entitlement mentality ("VEM") has a number of juicy benefits. These rewards make it very difficult to break out of VEM mindset and personality, which is why most VEM people are so emotionally invested in perpetuating this mother of all toxic behaviors.
12 Perks of Victim Entitlement Mentality:
• Entitled to not take responsibility for anything
• You get to subversively control/manipulate others
• Other people lavishing you with sympathy/pity
• You get to look like a hero/martyr/innocent lamb
• Other people feel sorry for you, thus trusts you
• Most people are less likely to criticize you
• You get the “entitled right” to complain and blame
• You’re more likely to get what you want from others
• You get to act like a selfish spoiled child without accountability
• You're interesting because you get to tell people all of your stories
• You don’t feel bored because you get to cause lots of drama/trauma
• You get to cover up rage/anger because you’re too busy in self-pity...
Can you see how alluring victim entitlement mentality is? It's no wonder, America has become a culture of victims and blamers.
We all have been victims of other people's behaviors; from car accidents, neglect to abuse. However, playing the victim role (over and over) gives you a lot of power: power to avoid responsibility, power to feel “righteously” sad and persecuted, power to self-pity, power to avoid uncomfortable emotions, power to feel morally superior to others, power to feel "I deserve the best!!" and power to manipulate others.
VEM: The Destruction of the Real Self
What happens to the evil witch in Snow White provides us with a timeless warning of those who won't let go of their VEM.
It has been well established that entitlement mentality is the most toxic of all mindsets, causing utter destruction to the self and others; from the worst mental health, worst relational health to worst physical health. In addition, through emotional contagion, VEM people infect those closest to them with drama and trauma. And through transgenerational transmission (from epigenetics and early environment) VEM people's children are cursed with the same loneliness, mental illnesses and body sickness that their parents are enslaved by.
VEM: The Tradeoff of Trinkets for Treasure
Would you trade your real gold and diamonds for someone else's fake gold and cubic zirconia? Most intelligent people would not.
Yet, choosing to stay in VEM is doing exactly that — trading your treasure for trinkets. How?
Because choosing a life of VEM is choosing to silence our wonderfully made real selves, which throws away our greatest gift: the ability to have open, deep conversations. Then losing the latter, we negate our ultimate superpower, CONNECTION, which turns ON our incredible neurobiological systems to cleanse daily build-up of toxic stress, empower us to create our best inner-outer lives, and in addition, the extraordinary energy of connection also our lives meaning and significance.
The latter is why anxiety, addiction, depression, overdoses, and suicides are at all-time highs despite a plethora of "mental health" apps — the masses have lost their source of meaning and significance — real conversations and real connection.
INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF WELLBEING
Increased mental health was most strongly related [the #1 predictor] to a greater experience of connection to others. By contrast, poorer wellbeing was related to a greater experience of disconnection from others. Finally, life satisfaction decreased when participants experienced greater self-disconnection.
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